Speed Bump

School took off in a flurry and we're moving at mach speed in only the second week of September. First grade has been a much easier adjustment than Kindergarten (love our teacher!), so of course we had to put Izzy in a new school to keep it complicated. New schedules, new drop offs and pick ups - even dress codes we have to pay attention to (no jewelry or finger nail polish - so sad for Iz!). Her new school is Montessori and we love it. But every time I walk in the building I feel as if I shouldn't touch anything for fear of moving something out of place. Wow, what a system! Oh, and construction delayed the start of her school year, which is really not cool. But we have a part-time nanny who has continued from the summer and oh.my.goodness she is amazing! She saved us from the construction-schedule debacle. We are looking into adopting her very soon. Today we had First Grade Lunch on the Lawn with Charlie. This is not a friendly event for working parents. Lunch starts at 10:...

Hello blog (and any loyal readers out there). I've missed you! I haven't written lately because I just plain have not been able to find the time. Kindergarten and two pickup/drop-off locations is a game changer. You know how it feels when you turn the clock ahead for daylight savings and you lose an hour? I feel like that every day now. I am struggling to get everyone out the door in the morning with full tummies and in clean clothes. And then again at night everyone must eat, bathe, sleep. Basic events that have to happen and should be so easy but sometimes feel impossible (someone in our house is 3 years old. Need I say more??) We're all working on sight words and letter sounds. Learning to read is important stuff! And yet where does it fit in the mad dash of the post-work-pre-bed rush? It is a work in progress for sure. I've written here in the past about the pros and cons of my career. I love the variety of my days that sometimes have me in the research lab or i...

I finished the book Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has the Time by Brigid Schulte two weeks ago. I’ve been churning over the many ideas and thoughts I had while reading the book and trying to figure out what to write, where to focus. There is so much to the book that resonates, I don’t know where to begin: …People like me tend to get confused over which demand is more pressing in the moment, so we don’t have clear focus on what to do. We can’t decide. So we end up doing both work and home activities in an ambivalent, halfhearted way, which produces mediocre outcomes and vague disappointment in both. Sometimes the sheer agony of leaving the warm baby or the weeping toddler and walking out the door in the morning to go to an unforgiving workplace was enough to sap my strength for the rest of the day. The minute I cross the threshold into the office, the chatter would start in my head: “You left your children. You’d better do something extraordinary to make up ...

Can the 4th of July really be here and gone already?  The July 4th holiday always feels like the mid-point of summer to me. Time is going too fast! Roxie is a 4th of July baby and we celebrated her birthday with a special pink dog treat and a trip to the dog park for a swim on a hot morning. Roxie is now 12 years old, an old dog by any measure. I told Charlie and Izzy the other day that Roxie was my first baby. They thought that was funny. My life with just Roxie 12 years ago was so very different from what it is now. When I brought Roxie home at 8 weeks old, I had just returned from living in Italy and was settling into a new job in a new city where I knew no one. We navigated St. Louis and then Kansas City together before we expanded our world and made room for our lovely little family. I think we've done pretty well for ourselves.  I've heard it said that parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. In marathon running, you have to be physically prepared, but true succ...

Lean in , stand up straight , recline . I've done all three in the past year as a full time working mom of two young children. I've also read numerous reports in the media and listened to countless stories from friends and colleagues struggling to find the right angle, pose, or response to Sheryl Sandberg's much talked about book. I've given considerable thought to the book and its philosophies over the past 12 months. As the Lean In movement turns one, here are my thoughts on how the message is holding up. I pre-ordered my copy of " Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead " last February so I guess you could say I was an early adopter . I organized a panel discussion of the book with top leadership at my academic institution, and helped launch Lean In Circles for women in every career stage from students to full professors. I am a member of one of those Circles and have experienced tremendous support in the form of camaraderie and peer mentoring in my o...

I don't want to be a Wall Street Mother . WSMs make a lot of money, keep crazy hours, traverse the globe, and give up a lot of time with their families. I have no desire to earn that much money or reach the top of the ladder if it means I miss out on back-to-school night, class trips and occasional play dates. Some might say I'm not ambitious. I think I just want to be happy. The problem with this article about Wall Street Mothers is that it is just more of the same - sacrificing all to get to the top - except this time they are highlighting women at the top instead of men. The women succeeding on Wall Street are the ones that have husbands that stay home full time. That shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. Managing an intense career would be a hell of a lot easier if you were free to focus on work and not experience the constant pull from home and family - whether you are a man or a woman. Success requires immense hard work and dedication, of course. But does it have to co...

Is your table set for the big day? Thankfully, I am not responsible for that big job in our family yet. Maybe that is why I can look forward to this holiday without the work of hosting or shopping for gifts. I think if Ryan and I ever host we'd be tempted to try a vegetarian Thanksgiving. Given the low enthusiasm that would generate in both our families, I think we're safely off the rotation list for awhile. I've already accomplished my pre-holiday fast thanks to an unexpected bout with the flu. I am very thankful that I am the only one in the household that came down with it. Ryan handled home and kids with great skill and let me truly rest. The kids were pretty sweet and gave me many hugs and kisses (on the top of my head/knee/ankle/shoulder, so as not to get sick). Of course, Izzy the great cuddler, couldn't really stay away. She came home from school yesterday and sat at the far end of the couch, near my feet. She kept scooting closer and closer, finally ending...

Thanks for all the kind comments and encouragement to  my post a few weeks back. It makes a huge difference to me to know I'm not alone in my struggles with career/parenting. I think we're in a post-Halloween slump this week in the Maniger household. I had a headache all day Monday from my sugar detox, finally feeling right again. The kids have thankfully forgotten about their Halloween candy, so no need to employ the Switch Witch  - a brilliant idea. I will remember that trick in the future. I think I've figured out what is getting me down lately. Change is coming in our lives in the form of Kindergarten. It is looming large and making me a bit crazy. You might think it's a long way off to be worrying about this, but really it isn't. I'm taking Charlie to his new school in a couple weeks for a tour with other parents and kids. I need to decide on half-day or full day kindergarten (do I really have a choice?) and what arrangements we will make for before...

Some weeks I feel incredible satisfaction at work and in my profession. I feel like I am making a difference and accomplishing many things - things that matter. Some weeks I am inspired and excited about the work I do, the people I get to work with. There are times when I feel I have the world on a string. Not this week. Perhaps it's because our new house is feeling more and more like a home and I just want to spend more time there - with the kids. Perhaps it is because very soon I will be signing Charlie up for kindergarten, and the many years of school that will quickly follow frightens me. My babies aren't really babies and I'm missing so much. Perhaps it is the fun of Halloween and the desire to make ghosts and spiderwebs and carve pumpkins. Lately, the weekends just don't seem like enough time.  Perhaps it is because I want to try something completely different with my career. Find a new challenge and a new form of inspiration - one that fits more comfor...

Last week was a whirlwind of planning, meetings, and last minute problem solving leading up to the year end dinner celebration for this organization , and the career development conference the next day that kicks off the new year. I felt incredibly proud of the body of work we produced over the past year - and also very relieved that my role in steering this ship is over.  As I wrote in this post last year, I was nervous and excited to take on the challenge of running this large network of women. If anything, it grew in size and prominence over the past year  - but it was a ton of work from day one through last Friday afternoon. I was incredibly fortunate to work with amazing women, and create professional relationships and friendships that would never have formed outside of this experience. I had big shoes to fill in this position and I simply could not fail. I had a lot to prove, mostly to myself.  I looked around the conference on Friday afternoon and saw all...

It's a word that often gets a bad rap, and it means different things to different people. According to Merriam-Webster, two (of many) definitions of balance:  stability produced by even distribution of weight on each side of the vertical axis.  mental and emotional steadiness  I know when the precarious balance in my life goes awry. Take last week - work was long and tiring, and my time at home with Ryan and the kids was hurried and limited. For me, balance is not about having equal time at work/home, but an amount of both that leaves me feeling fulfilled and happy (and usually pretty tired). I've come to accept that there will be days, weeks, months even, when my life is out of balance . The key is to recognize it and get back to a happier and healthier equilibrium sooner than later. One sign that my life is out of balance is when I fail to write on this blog. Last week I threw together one blog post of pictures, not even bothering to include descriptions of ...

A few months back I wrote this post about my struggles to lean in both at work and at home. I've figured out a way to improve both my happiness at home and my effectiveness at work. Curious? I found two extra hours in my day, and it was surprisingly easy. I took the two least productive hours of my day and made them count. The least productive part of my day was 7-9am. These two hours typically went something like this: kids wake up, lots of whining ensues, milk and coffee are distributed; someone cries outside the shower door, small hands pull at my legs while I put on makeup, cuddles on the couch; the blender whirs with frozen fruit and kale, lunches are made, time-outs are threatened; Ryan and the kids shuffle out the door with loveys, raisins, and goodbye kisses; collect stray socks, sippy cups and legos; make beds, throw in a load of laundry, down another cup of coffee; head out the door and at work by 9am. Now, I leave the house before 7am, before the kids wake u...

"Show me a woman without guilt and I'll show you a man." Marie Wilson, founder of the White House Project, quoted in Lean In . *Note: I'm traveling for work, which of course means I'm once again questioning my priorities, feeling guilty and missing my kids. Feel free to skip this post if you've grown weary of my internal struggles. I am an ambitious person, and I want to be a good mother. Sometimes I feel like those two phrases don't belong in the same sentence, the two thoughts don't belong together in my mind.  It is easy for me to tune into Sheryl Sandberg's message to Lean In - it goes with the grain, feels natural. I'm leaning in, sitting at the table, raising my hand. I'm not leaving before I leave. I leaned way in to get to where I am now in my career, much of the heavy leaning occurring prior to my having kids. Baby brain and new mom struggles clouded my career path for a while. But Sandberg's message tapped into my d...

From Monday morning in my office to Tuesday afternoon in my classroom... Izzy wasn't really sick today but we didn't want to send her back to school just in case. Today was a true tag-team effort with Ryan covering the home front in the early morning, Ryan's Dad holding down the fort between 10 and 2, and then Izzy got to come to work with me and be a graduate student for a few hours. I brought snacks, toys, and the ipad and plopped her on the floor of my classroom, thinking we would stick it out as long as possible. Amazingly, she was very quiet and I was actually able to participate in the paper discussion during class. Teaching an entire class this semester I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I thought Charlie might be the one to make it work as he will zone in on the ipad or iphone for hours. But Izzy surprised me today and was the perfect classroom visitor. Her first day as a Jayhawk! These last few days have required a village to get me t...

Not how I planned to start my week...with a sick kid sharing my office. This in a week when I am already behind the gun and functioning as a single parent for part of the time. When you utilize two grandparents by Tuesday, that is not a good sign. But so thankful I have them! 

Marissa Mayer, Anne-Marie Slaughter, now Sheryl Sandberg. The conversation about women and their careers just keeps gaining momentum. Sheryl Sandberg, the current COO of Facebook, has a new book that is hitting a Barnes and Noble near you today. Her book called "Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead" has received a lot of buzz, some positive , some negative . Controversy sells books, as luck would have it, and it has already hit number one on Amazon. Lean In is also an online community, launched last week, with over 40,000 facebook likes in its first week. From the Lean In website : "The book Lean In is focused on encouraging women to pursue their ambitions, and changing the conversation from what we can’t do to what we can do. LeanIn.Org is the next chapter."  With colleagues at our annual Women in Medicine and Science dinner. Do we need to lean in? Most of the negative commentary prior to the book's release has centered on the fact that Sh...

Marissa, I want to champion you, I really do. At 37, and one of only 19 female CEOs of a Fortune 500 company, I want you to succeed. Taking the reigns as CEO of Yahoo while 6 months pregnant, I was hoping you would blaze trails for working moms everywhere. But first came the stingy two week maternity leave, then the declaration that the whole baby thing was easy , and now this...turning back the clock on workplace flexibility by banning your employees to work from home . I hate to think what's next. The truth is, if I worked for Marissa Mayer I would most likely have to leave my job. I've said previously  that the most important reason I am still successfully advancing in my career with young children is flexibility (a supportive spouse and nearby grandparents are close seconds). I am fortunate that I can read academic journals, write grants, review papers, prepare class lectures and draft emails all from home. I also have leadership responsibilities to m...

  Marissa Mayer is in the news again . In her first interview as Yahoo CEO she claimed "The baby's been easy!"    From the beginning, I have been confused by this woman. She becomes the CEO of Yahoo at 6 months pregnant, a huge triumph for working mothers everywhere. Then, she takes a 2 week maternity leave which doesn't help anyone, including herself. But that is her prerogative, and to be fair, she didn't ask to be the poster child for working moms. Now she says everyone made the whole baby thing out to be much harder than it really is. Cue the teeth grinding...     My response - just wait, Marissa. In the beginning, babies sleep all the time and you can take them anywhere and everywhere. I spent many a day at work in my babies' first 6 months with them napping in the stroller quietly while I did some work, held a small meeting,etc. It's definitely doable. But then the sick days start kicking in and all hell breaks lose. An...

 I spend a lot of time thinking out loud on this blog about being a working mom. Usually this takes the form of questioning my career and family choices, and voicing my fears in an effort to gain perspective on what feels like an emotional roller coaster most days (read here , here and here ). Not today. In the spirit of the season, I am putting together my TOP 10 Reasons I am Thankful to be a Working Mom. 10. I like taking my kids to my lab and showing them what mom does all day. With any luck, maybe they will think science is cool. 9. I like contributing to the family budget (read, shoe shopping without guilt!). 8. I need  a place to go on Monday morning. No further explanation needed. 7. I enjoy the challenge of research, teaching and mentoring students. Some days my students actually listen to me and hear what I'm telling them. That rarely never happens at home. 6. I have new stuff to ta...

The last few weeks have been a blur. I knew the travel, presentations and deadlines would take their toll, but I couldn't predict the unpredictable (pink eye and a broken wrist) and know how hard things were going to get. I had an emotional couple days in Chicago worrying about Charlie and feeling inadequate at work and home all at once. But it's over and things will calm down - at least back to the frenetic pace we've become accustomed to of late. Kids are amazingly resilient and Charlie's arm hasn't slowed him down a bit. I think he had one day of some pain and low energy, and now he is totally fine. He has trouble doing some things for himself with only one arm and gets frustrated, as anyone would. We get a new cast tomorrow and word is, he wants pink! We took advantage of the beautiful fall day today and took some photos around the neighborhood. We got some really good ones, I'm saving my favorites for later, but here are a few... Char...