It has been a rough week for the future dwellers of Modern on Meadow. I can say that we met our all time low last weekend. Rock bottom.
I consider myself someone with a significant amount of mental toughness and effective coping skills. And yet, as I felt myself put to the test for the umpteenth time over this house in the past week, cracks in my armor began to show. I felt the wheels coming off and I was powerless to prevent it from happening. I was downright depressed over this house. Depressed enough to not shower for two days, to not even look in the mirror when I went out the door for the day. Depressed to the point that I went to the drugstore and stocked up on allergy meds thinking that might put a dent in the pounding ache emanating from my skull.
Many things have gone wrong with the process of renovating this house. And I know this is part and parcel of every build, every remodel. I know that. I think we've put up with our share, not without complaining to be sure. The stress and difficulty are unavoidable.
The kids have been through a lot in the last year. We all have. But for little people that really don't understand what we're doing with this renovation and why it is taking so long (the adults don't understand that part either) it is confusing and bewildering. Charlie and I had a conversation in the car yesterday that went something like this:
C: "Abraham from my school is going to go to my kindergarten with me."
Me:"Yes, he is. He is moving to a new house right near our new house."
C: "Are they tearing their house down too?"
Me: "No, not everyone tears down their house before they move in."
C: "Did the people that bought our old house tear it down?"
Me: "No sweetie, they just bought it and moved in right away. Some people do that."
C: "I want to move back to our old house."
A variation of this conversation takes place on a weekly basis.
Charlie had a really hard time with our move back in August. We moved out of our old house into the loft, and yet kept talking about and visiting our new house. At the same time, he changed class rooms and teachers at school, leaving behind a teacher he had for three years - his entire life! It was a lot all at once, too much. I didn't anticipate how hard all the change would be for him and it really took me by surprise. I am taking nothing for granted this time and want to make this second move less stressful and disruptive for him.
Part of that process in my mind has involved moving him into a great new bedroom that he would be excited about - complete with big boy bunk beds. I want him to jump with joy, smile his biggest smile, and dance around his room until he falls over. The thought of having to move Charlie into his new bedroom without carpet, without the new bunk beds in place, to sleep on a mattress on a dirty sub-floor after all this time brought me to my knees last weekend. I had come to terms with the possibility that the deck might not be done, the shower tile might not be in, some lights will be on back order. But having the kids' rooms unfinished - and carpet (CARPET?!) being the reason - pushed me to the limit.
We spent the weekend shopping for carpets and I am now an expert on pile, loop, and shaggedy-shag carpet. I found one I like and there is a possibility it just might arrive before we move in. I'm not going to hold my breath, but I will hold out hope. I am feeling positive again. I'm coming back up from rock bottom and I'm starting to feel really excited to be in our home in a few short weeks. I know kids are resilient and Charlie will be fine, carpet or no carpet.
I know we are incredibly fortunate to be building our dream home. I know it will all be worth it. I want to say thank you to all our family and friends for all your encouragement, for listening to us complain, and for supporting us through this process. We are incredibly fortunate for our future home, and for all our family and friends whom we hope will visit Modern on Meadow often and feel compelled to stay awhile. Very soon we will have a deck with a view. Very soon we will be home.